Let’s get serious (about child development)

Children in SOS Children's Villages Nelspruit

Upon our arrival at SOS Children’s Village Nelspruit on a warm day in June, we are immediately met by an equally warm woman, who takes the time to meet us in the parking lot. To our surprise, Damaris Mampane, child and youth development co-ordinator, is ambushed on her way out by the cheerful children who have been playing in the yard. Their love for her is evident and her love for them is truly heart-warming. As soon as she has greeted them, she takes the time to chat to us in her office.

Damaris has been working as a social worker in Johannesburg since 2006. In 2009, she moved to the village in Nelspruit to take on the role she currently holds and has been there ever since. As she describes her role and responsibilities, we are struck at how seriously she takes the development of each and every child in her village.

As the person who oversees child and youth development, Damaris’ role is all-encompassing and includes providing services and support to the children, the SOS mothers and the social worker at the village. In addition, she is responsible for overseeing the admission of children to the village, something which requires a lot of thought, attention and planning, as each child needs to be placed in a house that is ‘right-fit’ for them based on their specific child development needs. She also oversees the education, schooling and health needs of each child, as well as ensuring that the process of re-integration happens.

As with many of the villages around the country, the Nelspruit Village is deeply integrated within the surrounding community. So, part of Damaris’ job includes providing assistance to children and families within the community, too. Whilst being an agent of change within a community can be a rewarding experience, it is not without challenges. Damaris explains that when the village first opened in 2003, they were constantly facing bumps in the road to success. She says that, at times, the community was unaccommodating and often blamed children from the village for negatively influencing their own children and so the long journey of relationship-building and education began.

A lot of time has been spent with members of the community since 2003 and now, 8 years later, Damaris says that the community has fully embraced the village. The children play together, celebrate together and work together. ‘We have had to realize, too, that as much as we want our children to be fully integrated into the community, the reality of their circumstances is very different from that of the children from the community. They (the SOS children) have special needs – they come from different places and have been exposed to the hardships of life.’

As part of community education, Damaris has had to enlighten fellow residents on a few realities, including the fact that SOS children are not ‘street kids’ but rather children who are without families that are not used to structure and need to be guided on how to live within a home with a loving parent. To encourage community participation and unification, the village has also opened its gates to community structures, like the Women’s League, and allows the women access to their boardroom for meetings. When these women spend time on the premises, Damaris uses this time to connect and engage them on how to co-exist peacefully.

Damaris says she also spends a lot of time on the playground. Here, she is able to pick up behavioural problems with children from the community. She says that she often takes the initiative to address these issues by visiting the child’s home. Most times, one will find that there are problems in the home, which generally arise due to a lack of parenting. She then extends her advisory services to these families and shows them how and where to get the necessary help.

Testimony to the success of her methodology is that now she even has community members willing to sponsor a child. As a mother of three, Damaris says that her own children love the village environment and particularly enjoy having an endless amount of brothers and sisters.

Before we leave, she shares a story with us of a young lady named Thulile, a resident in House 7. Thulile arrived at the village when she was 8 years old. She is physically disabled and is in a wheelchair. When she arrived, Thulile had never been to school; she had no formal education and was reluctant to try. After completing kindergarten, Damaris encouraged Thulile to enrol in a mainstream community school. She kept a close eye on her to monitor her physical, emotional and psycho-social development. Damaris enjoyed helping Thulile rise to every challenge that inevitably came up. Thulile went into Grade 1 at the age of 8. A bright and determined little girl, she quickly progressed through her academic years to catch up and is now, at the age of 11, on par with her peers. She has become a confident young lady who enjoys acting and often takes part in local or school plays. For the ‘Hermann Gmeiner celebration’ she even participated in the beauty pageant. Her SOS mother acknowledges that it has been a struggle at times but, simultaneously, it has been a resounding success.

What was particular striking about Damaris was the report she has with all the children. During our 30-minute interview, children were constantly coming into the room, asking her questions and seeking her advice. They clearly value her presence, advice and opinion and we get the distinct impression that they really are her number-one priority!

Lydia – a success story of SOS Children’s Village Ennerdale

Lydia's success in life

‘My children, people don’t expect you to overflow with gratitude, but to become responsible adults in society.’ 

Hermann Gmeiner, founder of the SOS Children’s Villages

These words have moulded me into the person that I am today. I’m Lydia Nekhunguni, a living success story of the vision that SOS Children’s Villages has for all its children around the world. This is the only home I have ever known and I know that SOS Children’s Villages is the reason for me being here today.

I am an adult now and have my own family, but I have never forgotten where I come from. I grew up at SOS Children’s Village Ennerdale and was one of the first children at the village in 1981. My parents died when I was three. I have seven siblings, some of whom stayed on with me at the village and three others that went into foster care in Eldorado Park. I was so grateful to share a home with four of my siblings and another family of five. They eventually became our new brothers and sisters. Our first SOS mother was Aunty Joan; she was lovely, but sadly passed away after a battle with cancer. Our second SOS mother, Aunty Myra was and has been the closest thing to a natural mother.

I attended a brilliant ex-Model C high-school and in standard 9 (grade 11), I was given the opportunity to go overseas and become an exchange student in France. Upon returning home to sunny South Africa, I pursued a career in marketing and studied towards an IMM. I was career-oriented and had no dream to have a family of my own. You can imagine my surprise when at the age of 25 I found out that I was pregnant! Now, 9 years later I am married with two children and Aunty Myra (my second SOS mother) is now ‘granny Myra’.

The joys of having children are vast; however, I constantly live in fear that I, too, may leave my children one day as a result of a sudden death. However, if I had a choice, I would not have chosen a different life. I have never had to worry about having food on the table, clothes or money for education – it was always being provided.

Now I have the opportunity of giving back to those children who now find themselves on the same path that I had once been on in my life. For the last two years, I have managed to put a smile on children’s faces with the help of very humble and generous friends and colleagues who opened their hearts and pockets to bring my vision to life. We host Christmas parties for approximately ten children a year from SOS Children’s Village in Ennerdale, my old home. It is the most amazing feeling to see the children’s faces light up.

There is, however, no amount of money in the world that can ever repay everything that SOS Children’s Village and friends like you have done for me. People like you have contributed towards my life in a way that I will always be grateful for.

I am now a responsible member of society.  I continued with my career in marketing and PR and have worked for companies such as Warstreet Marketing, a PR and marketing company and African Bank. I have now finally taken the plunge and started my own business.

I will never know the domors of SOS Children’s Villages by name, but what I do know is that, without their continued support and generous donations, I would have been lost, without a future, or a chance to a normal life. I hope that my story may inspire someone to make a difference in someone else’s life. You never know what the impact will be.

I cannot change where I come from; it’s part of my history, but I have a choice over my future!

A happy family…

Marina has always been dreaming about big and happy family. Her mother was suffering from an incurable illness and died when Marina was twenty. Her father married again, and Marina stopped keeping in touch with him.

When Marina and Valery got married, there were no signs of trouble. The young couple were happy and believed their happiness would last forever, but soon after the wedding, there was trouble.

One after the other, the husband’s parents both died. Marina thought that she had gone through all of the worst things in her life already. While the young family was expecting their first child, it was clear that there would be no support by any relatives, but Marina was not scared.

She believed that, together with her beloved husband, she could cope with any difficulty. When their child was born, doctors informed Marina that her son was hopelessly ill. But Marina did not believe them.

Now, Marina calmly goes through the list of diagnoses: cerebral palsy, partial atrophy of the brain, epilepsy, heart disease. Now, her son Denis is 9. Each and every day, during all those years, Marina has been fighting for his life. Sometimes she would have to listen to his breathing the whole night so to help him in case of epilepsy.

Due to his heart disease, Denis is often sick with pneumonia and has to receive medical treatment at hospital. Sometimes Marina is wondering how they could ever decide on having a second child. But her husband really wanted to have a strong family; so, today they take also take care of their youngest son who is 6. Maxim is a healthy boy making good progress in his development.

Marina doesn’t earn any money, she is a housewife. She has to provide care for her son Denis day and night. The second child does not attend kindergarten, since Marina even does not have time to bring him there while her husband is at work.

Constant stress and anxiety for the children influenced the psychological climate within the family. The parents could not devote sufficient time to their younger son’s education due to their older son’s illness. Conflict appeared to be a regular in their family.

When the parents did not have enough patience, they would use physical punishment on their younger son. Marina noticed the problem but was not strong enough to change her and husband’s behaviour.

The low standard of living had a huge negative impact on family. Almost all of the father’s earnings they spent on medication for supportive care for Denis. There was a permanent lack of necessary food in the house. Meanwhile, Marina started thinking of placing Denis in a boarding school for the disabled. But she knew that he would not be able to survive there; therefore, she was looking for another solution to save her family.

When Marina started participating in the counselling programme, the woman was in the depths of despair. She saw no way out, and her life seemed to be a hopeless nightmare. We suggested having Marina talk to a psycho-therapist, as well participating in the training course ‘Strong parents – strong children.’

Strong parents - strong children

Her younger son, Maxim, now has been given the opportunity of doing private tutoring, because in September he will go to school for the first time in his life, and his parents have no opportunity of teaching him at home.

During the first 4 months of the family participating in the counselling programme, family life has changed significantly. Marina herself is much more confident now. She learned how to negotiate with her children without using physical punishment. Marina is sure she is able cope with any difficulty now. She found new friends among other clients in the programme who are also taking care of disabled children.

Marina loves the children as they are. Now she does not think of placing Denis in a boarding school any more. We are just looking a special school for her elder son, where he could stay for few hours during the day, and receive skilled medical care.

Marina plans to start working from home. We will give her the opportunity of doing a hairdresser’s course very soon.

Now that family relationships have improved, conflicts rarely happen. Marina’s family knows that there are people who are always ready to help and support them.

Making it happen…

Community mother Yoelida with her children at the community centre

My name is Yoelida and I’m 25 years old. I live in Petare, a neighbourhood in the city of Caracas. I have five children, and because I needed support to raise my children, I was looking for help. I was lucky to come across SOS Children’s Villages. Now my children attend day-care at the SOS Community Centre Petare and, only recently, I started working at that same place, too.

SOS Children’s Villages runs several programs for children and needy families in various neighbourhoods and I feel like my life has changed since I came across SOS Children’s Villages. Since more than a year ago, I have been taking my children to the community centre for day-care. There, they receive education, medical support, and good food. But that is not all. As a mother, I also receive support. Together with several other women, we attend workshops about how to raise or feed our children properly, and treat them with love and patience. We receive a lot of practical advice on how to live better and be able to make ends meet on our own.

And as I said before, SOS Children’s Villages has given me, as they do with a number of mothers, the opportunity to be a ‘community mother’, say, an SOS co-worker and a mother at the same time. I started by helping in the kitchen. Then, because of my skills and responsibility, I became a cook. Since that day, I have been preparing all meals for children attending the community centre; breakfast, the morning snack, lunch and the afternoon snack. For all that, I am grateful to SOS Children’s Villages for their helping hand extended to women and children like us.

International Day of Families

Children playing the elastic

As a co-worker at the village, I helped organise the celebration having taken place on 16 May. The main activity of the day was to have fun during the whole day. Some of this was through sports. We played volleyball, football, etc., but the children mostly enjoyed playing typical, traditional games, like spinning top, the elastic, domino, chess, ‘pinos’ (running with obstacles, Venezuelan style) and our locally famous ‘metras’, played by several children. In Venezuela, ‘metras’ are marbles traditionally made of ceramics, although these days they are made of glass.

On the other hand, at the village, the children and especially the young people are very good dancers, they simply love to dance. Thus, the last activity of the day couldn’t be anything else than a joyful ‘bailoterapia’ (dance therapy). Everyone jumped onto the stage and, to the rhythm of Latin music, children, young people, and grown-ups moved enthusiastically just as if they were in an aerobics competition. When we finished dancing, the children said, ‘The bailoterapia was great. Thank you! We had a lot of fun”. An SOS aunt also said: ‘I liked it a lot. The exercise helped me a lot.’

Summing it up, the celebration was a total success. I’m sure not only the children had fun, but also all SOS co-workers, like me.

A Reunion Celebration

A grand celebration was recently held to commemorate SOS Children’s Village Mamelodi’s 25th anniversary and saw former SOS children and young people, SOS mothers, staff members and sponsors come together to celebrate the past 25 years.

The reunion celebration, which took place on weekend of 27-29 May, was a time of reminiscence and observing the various milestones achieved in the past two-and-a-half decades and, according to all who attended, was a great time of fellowship and fun.

A committee of former SOS children and staff members worked tirelessly over the past few months co-ordinating and putting together a detailed programme of events and everything, to their relief and delight, went off without a hitch!

The celebrations kicked off on Friday afternoon with a fun-filled ‘Sports Day’. On Saturday, 28 May, a formal ceremony was held and lifetime achievement awards were handed over to former SOS mothers who had served the organisation for more than 15 years. Thereafter, the attendees were entertained by the SOS Children’s Village choir and were treated to a show from various cultural dance groups. Motivational speakers and a tribute DVD showcasing some of the stories from the SOS Children’s Village in Mamelodi also added to the day’s programme.

On Sunday, the reunion came to a solemn close with a memorial service and the unveiling of a Wall of Remembrance honouring those who had passed on during their time serving the organisation. ‘We are remembering our fellow brothers and sisters who have passed on to be with the Lord as well as those SOS mothers who gave up their lives to be with the children of SOS Children’s Villages’, said Pastor Andrea Biya.

‘The reunion served as a big inspiration for children at the village, it motivated and gave hope and encouragement, ‘ said village director Mr Soka Matlala. One such inspiration is a former SOS child, Lawrence Mashale, who came to the village at the age of eight. ‘I came here with my two sisters after our mother had no place to stay and we were left homeless. SOS Children’s Villages helped me a lot, I started attending school here and now I am 33 and have my own clothing business’, said Lawrence.

According to Soka, having the retired SOS mothers at the celebration was a wonderful encouragement to the current SOS mothers of the village. For many of these SOS mothers, the children in their care mean as much to them as their own biological offspring do/would. Mapula Mashapa, who worked at SOS Children’s Villages for 15 years said, ‘I looked after 15 children in my time here and really loved them very much, this place was just like a normal home for me.’

Soka said that SOS Children’s Villages has helped meet the need to protect and provide a loving home for children in Mamelodi and by doing so has protected the future of our nation.

‘I am happy to put in the work for our children!’

Vincent Hlabagana has become somewhat of a celebrity in the past week as he sought to publically advocate the rights of children on behalf of SOS Children’s Villages South Africa. Appearing in various national and community newspapers, as well as on national radio has been just a small part of his massive role as SOS South Africa’s national child & youth development manager. We caught up with Vincent upon his return from a trip to SOS Social Centre Qwa Qwa. He explains that his job entails extensive travelling but says that he doesn’t mind, ‘I am happy to put in the work for our children!’ he exclaims.

'I am happy to put in the work for our children!'

Top of his agenda in the month of May was Child Protection Week (the reason for all the interviews) and he is eager to share with us the importance of raising awareness in South Africa. Quoting a recent media release Vincent explains, ’23 May marked the beginning of Child Protection Week in South Africa and in a country where child abuse and abandonment is rife, it is vital that the value of children is promoted and that particular attention is drawn to issues such as abuse and neglect. SOS Children’s Villages has since inception been committed to the prevention of child abandonment and as such has often set the benchmark in terms of safeguarding the rights of children and youth not only in South Africa but internationally as well.’

He explains, ‘SOS Children’s Villages is so serious about advocating the protection of minors that in 2009 a child protection team was trained and assigned to supply the communities in which SOS Children’s Villages operates. Furthermore, facilities whereby community members can report all child violations were set up. In November 2010, the national child protection team grew and now comprises two national focal persons – those to whom violations are reported – and two investigators (the people who investigate the reported violations).’ He stresses, ‘This past week was an important week as it provided all of us with the opportunity of contributing to the future of our children. Child protection is everyone’s business and the spirit of UBUNTU asserts that the responsibility to raise a child rests with the entire community.’

In his role as the national focal person for child protection, Vincent is actively involved in the facilitation and management of child protection initiatives and is responsible for ensuring that minimum standards of care are upheld. However, this is just part of his gigantic role; Vincent is also responsible for providing strategic guidance on planning and budgeting. In addition, he provides support in terms of implementing policies relating to children and youth and assists with the education of child & youth care co-workers on new developments affecting the upbringing of children and youth.

When asked how he copes with this challenging role Vincent replies, ‘I would certainly not be in this area if I lacked the passion to make a difference in the lives of needy young people. I believe in positively influencing the life of one child at a time and as such see this as my purpose. I believe that every young person deserves to have at least one adult who is crazy about them and I enjoy fulfilling that role.’

He points out that he believes that not everybody is meant to work with young people at risk. ‘All young people at risk need, in their formative stages, people with the zeal and purpose to work with them; otherwise it becomes difficult to mend a child’s life once broken in their formative years. I have what some people do not. However, we are all different, involved in diverse professions and we all possess unique talents.’

‘Every day is a Child Protection Day. We cannot leave the protection of children solely to the government and children’s organisations; these children are the community’s children and, together as a collective, we can make a difference’, Vincent concludes.

Vincent has been with SOS Children’s Villages for three years; however, he has been actively involved in the area of child and youth care for over 16 years. SOS Children’s Villages South Africa is indeed privileged to have a man such as this leading and guiding it into the future.

Family Fun Time

My name is Nervelis and I am a co-worker at SOS Children’s Village La Cañada in Venezuela. I want to talk to you about a fun experience when I joined a group of SOS families to share in a fascinating activity known in Venezuela as ‘piscinada’, say, a day at a swimming pool. 

On 21 March, we all went to the sports centre ‘Club Las Banderas’ which is a very nice recreational place with parks inside and, most enjoyable, with a large swimming pool. Once in the pool, we all played: children, SOS mothers, SOS aunts, and SOS co-workers.

When we were returning home, an SOS mother told me: ‘To my children and to me, this day was just unbelievable. It was an opportunity to share quality time with my children and with the co-workers of the village, which gave us all a lot of happiness.’

The activity was organized by the educational team of the village. Our goal was very simple, say, to have the whole community of the village have fun together, sort of sharing in this as one large family.

When we arrived at the village and said good-bye, a little five-year old spoke up: ‘Let’s meet tomorrow here to go to the Club again!’, and, of course, everyone laughed. But, frankly speaking, at that moment, I myself hoped to go there again soon!

 

“I could be a good mother for my kids…”

Every time someone stands up for empowering a person in despair, or gives a hand of support …he/she brings forth a tiny ray of hope, the latter being the most essential starting point for making the person move on and rise from the ashes.

As a co-ordinator of a family strengthening programme, I faced with dozens of challenges in the lives of families in need. And some of them are really amazing, showing me the inner strength of people once they get the right support when going through difficult times.

Anya, a mother of three children, was left with no means to support her kids once she got divorced. Without any by relatives and no place to live, she was in total despair. Furthermore, her lost her professional qualification because of the time spent on maternity leave and couldn’t find a job to earn a living.

Having our experts work on this for six months, Anya received training and became as certified accountant, got a job and was able to move ahead and make ends meet. Her children went to school and got a place in kindergarten. Today, Anya is an assistant accountant at a bank. She attends the ‘Mother’s Club’ and takes part in a programme to prepare smaller children for school.

 

Children playing together

I was most astonished when Anya told me one day, ‘I realize it was you who actually saved my family. I never ever knew what I could be and what I was capable of doing. A year ago, I was in total despair and my children were at the edge of abyss. Thank you so much for making me realize that I could be a good mother for my kids and make them feel they have a loving family and a mother who is able to care of them and make their future safe’.

Each and every time, I have come to realise that – over and over again – the best bridge between despair and hope is a loving heart and hand with support to make a person know he/she is still capable of making life a worthy experience and give a loving home to children.

Elena Bilyk, Family strengthening programme co-ordinator inKiev,Ukraine

GRANDPA TOOK CARE OF US – GERGŐ’S STORY FROM HUNGARY

“Our life started the same way like everybody else’s: we were born, we were loved, we had our rooms and toys and celebrations. We had parents, grandparents, friends, neighbours. We were told that we were lovely and nice, although sometimes I was being naughty.

And then something changed. I don’t know and I never really understood what had happened. I saw my mother less and less.

I could only rely on my grandfather who moved to our place. He took care of us and for a while and things seemed to be all right. We clung to him, afraid that this might change.

He had been keeping from us that he had an incurable disease for a long time.

He was searching for the best solution for us. He may have heard somewhere that in the SOS-Children’s Villages, children can have a different life and this is not the kind of place where parents threaten their naughty kids. 

Then we had the first meeting with the village, the children and our future mother. Everyone was really kind, the houses are nice, there are some of toys and the children were all smiling. I started to talk with them and there were just a few words I did not really understand: in this SOS-Children’s Village, among SOS-brothers and sisters how me and my little sister could remain real brother and sister? 

Well, as it turned out my sister became a real star in the village. Telling her poem about her teddy bear made the famous poetess cry. She is very popular in the kindergarten, as well. I have also found my place here. I know where I will study later. We are making plans together with my SOS-mother, the Village Director and my grandfather.  We are loved, just like children are loved everywhere.  Our own mother has also visited us. We talk with granddad almost every day. We had Christmas celebration with him, as well, he made duck for us as Christmas dinner. Whenever we go home, we try to keep up with the changes: where do our friends play? It is not easy without the old friends, but we keep in touch. We even write letters to each other, even though I am not much of a letter writer. They miss me, too. Secretly, I think this is not so bad after all.

By now I have learned that feelings are more important than words. We have been here for less than a year. My kid sister is playing beside me, she is chatting all the time. I am looking at granddad, and his eyes seem to have changed, as if he was not sick at all. He is relieved.

 This is what he wanted, I know. It is almost what we have always been dreaming about.”